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April 1, 2013

A white heteronormative cisgendered CEO professor and Baptist preacher was teaching a class on Karl Rove, known Christian.

“Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Jesus Christ and accept that you too can become straight through daily prayer, self-flagellation, and eating Chik-Fil-A every day!”

At this moment, a brave, trans-Asian, self-diagnosed pansexual demiromantic vegan multisouled person who had been free of all animal products and only bought products at the local transgender co-op boldly stood up, holding a glass filled with some white liquid.

“Hey, Professor, what is this?”

The arrogant professor smirked like a rapist and smugly replied “It’s clearly milk, you crazy faggot. What the fuck does milk have to do with political science?”

“Wrong. It’s an all natural vegan soy almond kombucha latte. No animals or transpeople were harmed or raped in the making of this product.”

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of the Wall Street Journal. He stormed out of the room, clearly planning some kind of rape. The professor realized that he had been playing into the hands of the kyriarchy of CEOs, investment bankers, the Religious Right, and psychiatrists. He then killed himself. The proper term for this is “trans-dead”.

The students checked their privilege, all diagnosed themselves with autism and gender identity disorder and joined the Gay-Straight Alliance. An obese trans-eagle furry otherkin waddled into the room and tried to perch upon the American Flag, bending the flagpole in the process. All parties involved gave up meat, Christianity, and the right to bear arms.

The students all lifted their glasses of soy fluid in a toast.

“That beverage’s name? Harvey “The One Percent” Milk.” said the vegan trans-autistic Korean.

 

-Anonymous

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